How I learned I have ADHD
For years my ADHD diagnosis went undetected until I became a mom.
If you know me, you know I’m rarely on time. It’s not that I’m rude or inconsiderate, it’s that for the life of me, I can’t seem to get my schedule on track. If I see I’m running early for a doctor’s appointment, I’ll busy myself till it’s actually time to leave the house – resulting in me usually arriving late, even though I was initially running early. Make 👏🏽it👏🏽make👏🏽sense.👏🏽
Over the years, I’ve often asked myself: “why am I like this?” It’s not just my tardiness. It’s my inability to accomplish the multitude of goals I’ve set out for myself. The way my brain spirals out of control with its incessant chatter. My insufferable case of people pleasing. The little piles I create everywhere that seem organized to me. And even my intense emotional sensitivity.
At 38, while these qualities frustrate the hell out of me, I’ve learned to cope, find success, and a partner that is great at cleaning. (Lucky me!) But these are still hurdles and burdens I carry on a daily basis, never understanding why… until now.
As many of you already know, becoming a mom does a number on your mental health. I thought I was prepared for the changes that would come. About five years ago I was diagnosed with anxiety/depression and have taken meds ever since. I’m sure my medicine has helped me be a more calm and patient mother.
The diagnosis was a saving grace, but now I’m realizing it could have been a buffer for a bigger issue – that I have ADHD. For those of you who have dealt with chronic health issues or even a pesky mole, you know the relief you have when someone gives your problem a name and learning I have ADHD has been so freeing for me and the best part, it’s given me hope.
Apparently, it’s very common for women to get an ADHD diagnosis after welcoming a baby into their lives. Motherhood adds a huge cognitive and emotional load, making our ineffective executive functioning skills even more obvious. Plus pregnancy, postpartum, and breastfeeding all cause fluctuations in estrogen, impacting cognitive processes. This can make symptoms more intense, leading to increased forgetfulness, emotional sensitivity, and overwhelm.
Of course initially I thought this was normal. Motherhood is overwhelming! If you look anywhere on social media you will see women drowning in their new realities, so I thought I was supposed to as well.
Then one day I was listening to a podcast with Mel Robbins where she was talking about her late ADHD diagnosis at age 47. As she described the symptoms and her accidental diagnosis, a lightbulb went off in my head, I have ADHD.
Like me and Mel, so many women and girls go undiagnosed. When ADHD was made a diagnosis back in the 70s, only boys were studied and surprise, surprise boys present very differently from girls. For example, we often think of boys with ADHD as those who can’t sit still. Well, in the case of girls, we have a hyperactivity but it tends to be inward so it’s more like our brains are running nonstop rather than our bodies. So for many women, big life events can be the moment that their underlying ADHD finally gets discovered.
As with most things in my life, the moment my diagnosis became clear, I dove into research. I started watching testimonials on TikTok, I dove into books and podcasts, and I opened up to friends, even finding some women who have the same issues I do. Let me tell you, finding someone who is like, “girl, me too” is the most liberating feeling ever.
And that’s why we’re here, with me telling you one of the most intimate and personal things I’m managing right now. I’m very much at the early stages of understanding this diagnosis and how to prosper with this reality. Initially I thought I could “fix” it, but I gained a whole new perspective after reading A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD.
“What if the goal of treatment is to make it easier to access more of who you truly are, not get over who you are?”
Isn’t that such a gift, to access more of who we’re meant to be rather than fight against the current? I’ve done that my whole life and I’m over it!
I’m not embarrassed sharing this with you all (well, maybe just a little but we’re going to push right past that). This Substack goes beyond this newsletter, I want it to feel like community where we can all be our most honest selves.
So much of my work as a mom is cycle breaking – making daily changes to give my daughter the best reality I possibly can. That means I have to start with myself. There’s enough stigma around mental health and especially in Black and Brown communities. Well, I’m here to change that. I’m a Latina mom with ADHD.
In the next coming weeks I am starting work with an ADHD coach – think of it as a person who can help me understand my brain and emotions and help me develop strategies to thrive. I look forward to keeping you all in the loop as I learn and make progress. And if you’re a mom with ADHD, please connect with me. I’d love to grow and find community in this space.
As always, thank you for reading.
abrazos,
j
I too am a mom in the business of breaking cycles and realized it has to start with me. I’ve collected diagnosis’s but ADHD is one of them. Realizing I don’t need to be ashamed of it rather it’s just apart of who I am & how my brain is wired is important. I enjoy reading neuroscience but also other literature and life experiences of others in the community. Recently I read “Bright Girl, Lacks Focus” and it was really awakening. It’s nice to meet you in this space!
This is beyond helpful and I think I am right there with you. Been going through my "piles" on my desk today. Can't wait to hear more about the coach! You are the best!!